Schizo-Recreation, Death Ball

As long as you are middle-class, Caucasian born and of moderately affluent parentage then the possibilities for recreational play are endless.  There are sports that you could play with the kids from your public school, there are clubs you can join, there are internet social networks that will distract you from actually living, and the list goes on and on.

Death Ball

However, doing the same thing everyone else is doing is going to make you feel inauthentic, and if it doesn’t it should.  Don’t you have any sort of individualism or self-respect, or are you really nothing more than a carbon composite of your external surroundings?

Philosophically speaking you are going to be inauthentic to a specific degree no matter what. All you know is what you have perceived in life, and all those perceptions have come from something outside of you, so basically you are an inauthentic compound of thoughts and emotions that were preconceived in your natural surroundings.


Despite the fact that it really is, philosophically speaking, impossible to do something completely original, you can still make something of a pseudo-original nature.  For example, instead of playing pool with the pool table your gracious parents bought you, you could play Death Ball.

Death ball is a game that uses any number of polysynthetic thermoset resin balls (pool balls). There is no need for cue sticks in this game, and pocketing a ball doesn’t score a point because there are no points.

You may be wondering how you will know who wins if there are no points.  Don’t worry, you will definitely know whether you win or lose. Remember this game is called Death Ball.

The name of the game is Death Ball for a reason.  To play you throw the balls across the table at the opponent’s hands, but the catch is the balls can never be lifted from the table.

So when you are hurling the ball across the table you have to have your hand wrapped around the ball that is resting on the table, doing this exposes your hand to any lively ball on the table.  These polysynthetic thermoset resin balls can do quite a bit of damage to a human hand with the right amount of force and velocity.

The winner of this game will know he is the winner because the loser will be crippled over in pain holding his hand against his chest lying in the fetal position on the ground.  This is the appropriate time to gloat over your victory.

Also this may be the time to take your opponent to the hospital to fix any broken fingers he may have.

  • Note that this game should only be played by professionals or by people who are not afraid to lose the ability to operate their hand.